Tied down by the back leg, the dog stood by the corner of the door
The door itself always has one corner, but this door had four
Four corners, one door
The door creaked open and the back leg of the dog was dragged in
The rest of the dog had to follow
Eventually the back leg began to come separated and it sounded like
{screeching sound of dragging a pick up the stings of a guitar}
A bummer
The dog was being removed faster than it could think
Still, the good news was it wasn't going to come apart completely
One dog, one leg went through and the other three legs went through
The head, the torso, the thorax, the whole ______________________________
But when it got inside it sounded like
{plucks guitar strings}
It just had to check that one more time
{plucks guitar strings again}
"That's what I thought" said the dog
"It doesn't sound like it first appeared to be
It's just that I've been dragged inside
I was watching myself originally, now I am the participant
It's happening to me, I am being the dog"
Just then it's heart skipped
{drum roll}
Oh do it again Mr. Heart
{drum roll}
Now do it with the bass
{drum roll including bass drum}
Do it again
{drum roll including bass drum}
"Ahh", it said, "I think I'm going upstairs by myself"
{notes up neck of guitar}
They came to the landing
They! 
Surely there was just the dog?
Oh no, because he was with himself
You see, the story was originally being told or observed by the dog
But now the two had merged together
The dog and himself while essentially separate, were at least in the same breath
Well I am talking about them very close together anyway
They trotted along the landing
The shadow almost matching the hound
{various instruments make a walking sound}
Jazz fandango's erupted as hot smoke funneled out of cigarette holders
Glossaries, feather boas and swing, the smell of old Frisco assaulted it's nostrils
"Now", said the hound, "Let me step though and let my shadow go with me, yeah"
{discordant jazz type noodling}
But, just in front of the bathroom door
There was the funny one
_______________________
Por favor
_____________ castanets
"Well Mr. Onion" drawled the pooch
Its shadow, its self, its doppelganger, its familiar
___________________
"Well Mr. Onion, why are you baring the door when we clearly need to get into bathroom so swiftly"
But the onion skipped a beat
{drum roll}
Oh, do it again
{drum roll}
I feel incorrigible
I stink the night fantastic, anagram ______
{drum roll}
Yes, now it was the onion gong down stairs
With a remarkably similar theme music to when the dog and its shadow came up
We go on to the bathroom
{descending guitar notes}
The dog busily set to poring through an encyclopedia
{music}
Indeed

{a song starts at this point}

I'm poring through an encyclopedia
And I like the way that I feel
Tonight
I'm poring though an encyclopedia (encyclopedia)
And I like the way I feel
Tonight
Ahhhhhhh
Ahhhhhhh

{back to the spoken word part}

And it was only the first page
Aardvark
Advocaat 
Interesting Dutch things that can only happen when you don't understand them properly
Like the person who invented the H bomb but thought they were just making a phone call
All the abstract randomness
The dog looked round
What was his shadow doing?
His shadow had become a cat
And was climbing round the top of the bath rather disdainfully trying to...
{guitar notes}
Knock the lotion off into the sink
{falling sound effects}
Almost, it swung its black tail
{guitar notes}
A bit harder
{louder guitar notes}
________ thank you
{guitar notes}
Suddenly with a whip like motion of the tail curled round the lotion and it went shump down into the bowl
{falling sound effects}
But what came out was far more than what could possibly be inside
This little 8oz bottle of 'Aqua Vita' or whatever the stuff was
I couldn't read the label, my eyesight isn't as good as it was
Kept producing more and more and more and more of this rich, dark, olive green disgusting hair ________
Experience Chinese herbs bellowed
Sun spots linked arms and danced across the window cill
{crazy music starts}
The Venetian blinds went up and down
Up and down and back on the syllabus
Suddenly an Olympic athlete tried to come through the plug of the bath
But he couldn't because of the little grey, you know, segments
So what did he do?
He came through in segments, so it was like like six pieces of pickle, but, you know, they were all cut up but they would have amounted to one Olympic athlete
Then Axl Rose came through, but nobody saw him so he vanished
Then most of the members of Spandau Ballet came through
Then the cat came round the other side of the bath and jumped onto the back of the dog and they ran out onto the landing again
They saw at the bottom of the stairs the onion like ________

{music with a reggae beat starts}

She had ______ being
The went down the hole and the dog and they stay down the stairs
Bip bop
Bip bop
Honey, don't draw the curtains on me
I'm the reflection in the shadow that only you will see
Bip bop
Bip bop
Honey, get a-hold of your cone
________ it's a telephone
Bip bop
Bip bop
Honey, won't you listen to the thunder
It rides, it crackles to the edge of the ______________

Mr. Kimberley Rew
{Kim plays a distorted guitar solo}
Mr. Kimberley Rew

Mr. Bass man, Jake Kyle
{Jake plays a funky bass solo}

On drums, Lindsay Jamieson
{Lindsay plays a drum solo}

And on shaker, Captain Keegan
{the rest of the band stops, Tim plays a shaker solo, the rest of the band starts again}

Thank you for your patience!

Bip bop
Bip bop
Bip bop
Don't stop
Bip bop
Let's bop
Let's rock
Flip flop