The great crustaceans don't hang around
Don't hang on land much
Don't hold their hand, they're not a soft touch

The great crustaceans
They want to make it with the daughters of the tribe
They sit in rock pools and then wriggle with the tide

My, my, see the mutilations
They've all been wrought by the great crustaceans
Ooo-wee, look at your relations
They've all been chewed by the great crustaceans
Yeah
Oh yeah

One man opposed them, his name was Clifford
And it was a hero's name
And everywhere he put those ruddy crabs to shame
And they dismembered this guy Bartholomew one night beneath the moon
While Cliff and Pat were out there screwing on the dunes

My, my, see the mutilations
They've all been wrought by the great crustaceans
Ooo-wee, look at your relations
They've all been chewed by the great crustaceans
Yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah