I Like To Keep Myself In Pain Releases Lyrics Comments

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Author
Robyn Hitchcock
Original Band
Kelly Hogan

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Notes from Robyn on Patreon in 2020.
I wrote this song about 10 years ago for Kelly Hogan when she was making a solo album for Anti Records. She asked various songwriters to write material for her, and I was honoured to be included. She and I first met in 1990 when she was the singer in The Jody Grind, who opened for me on one of my early acoustic US tours. She would step onstage barefoot in a wine-red velvet dress, demure yet commanding: their repertoire included Daniel Johnston’s ‘Sorry Entertainer’. Something about the way she carried herself hinted at some heartache that she was cradling, self-sufficient though she seemed. I never knew her well enough to ask her about it - still, when she asked me for a song 20 years later, the title flashed instantly on my frontal lobe: I Like To Keep Myself In Pain. I dare say this applies to me too, but I wrote this specifically for Hogan, who sings it like a sombre dream. Now, here’s my version...

The lyrics to the Kelly Hogan version are very similar to Robyn's demo, but diverge towards the end. The lyrics below are from the Kelly Hogan version with a different verse in Robyn's demo shown at the end

Lyrics

I like to keep myself in pain
Even when the sun is high
Shining on the olive trees
There's still a shadow in my eye

And that shadow must be yours
Falling all across the plains
I've got your wreckage in my heart
So, I like to keep myself in pain

In the quiet night I sleep
To the sweet cascading rain
Then your voices come to haunt me
So, I like to keep myself in pain
Oh, yeah

I like to keep myself in pain
It's not conscious I just do
Must be something that I learned
From all my time with you

When people ask me where you are
I say, don't ask me that again
Even if I told the truth this time
I wouldn't know how to begin

Pain's the only thing you left me
If I let it go
Then I won't know who I am
In my own brain
It keeps me alive, ooh ooh
It keeps me alive, ooh ooh
It keeps me alive
So, I like to keep myself in pain
_____________________________

When people ask me where you are
I say, not that one again
Just 'cause nobody can see you
Doesn't mean you don't remain
Like a magpie on a sundial
A compartment in a train
Oh this helps me to imagine
And it helps me to explain
Why I like to keep myself in pain