Well, if your name's Mucky
You can count yourself lucky
That you're still walkin' round on four feet
'Cause I'll tell you right now
Though I don't know how
This is the first people right there in the street
And it's rare that a pig
Makes it back from a gig
Without comin' at your physical harm
And most be sayin' "Oh,
I didn't know"
And they wind up on that bacon farm

I don't mind dressin' in black
If I thought it would get your temperature back

And if your name's Queep
You're quite unique
And it's taken you over the top
Mr. Rogers and I
Don't know the Messiah
But since you walked into the shop
Well if your name's Kent
It's known that you're bent
It's an actual, undeniable fact
Cause the law 'round here
It's got cloth ears
So you never get caught in the act

Well, I don't mind dressin' in blue
If I thought it would make a difference to you

There's nobody
There's nobody
There's nobody like you

There's nobody
There's nobody
There's nobody like you

If your name's Him
Well, it's only a whim
But you seem to be nowhere at all
And if your name's Her
And you're covered in fur
And you're waiting for Him in the hall
The stuff that you sell
And the way that you smell
Is to say the least, way out of place
If I had a choice
Between the fist and the voice
You know, I'd push you right out of your face

Well, I don't mind dressin' in green
If I thought that you'd understand what I mean

There's nobody
There's nobody
There's nobody like you